Hero Cape

I wish I could say I hate you

But my heart is too big to hate anyone

And I won’t change because of you, no matter how much you hurt me

I don’t hate you

I just hate the way you made me feel like a fool

Making me think you liked me

Even if it was just for a moment…

And then to be treated like an object

Your toy

I didn’t feel human

I don’t hate you

I just hate the way you keep me up at night

I hate how you still have a way of turning my dreams into nightmares

You ruined my confidence

You ruined the way I think of myself

You ruined my dignity

Because all I’ve ever felt was shame

I try not to think of how badly you hurt me

I’m sure you haven’t given me a second thought

But I do hurt

I feel it everyday

Some days, the thought of you makes it hard to breathe

The weight on my heart seems unbearable at times

I don’t hate you

I just hate the way it hits me at night

I tell myself I’m fine

I wish I didn’t have to lie

I don’t hate you

I just hate that I still remember what you wore

How you smelled

The feel of the breeze coming off the lake

I hate how it was a lifetime ago…but still feels like yesterday

I don’t hate you

I just hate how your face occupies my mind

I hate how I’ve missed the simple joys in life

All these years, I’ve floated like an empty vessel

I don’t hate you

I just hate how I’ve taken for granted the people who truly love me

Surrounded by love

Surrounded by family and friends

But I’ve been too busy hating the person you made me believe I was

I don’t hate you

I just hate that you can’t see the love a real man can give

Unconditional love

The kind of love that always puts me first

The kind of love that worships the ground I walk on

Like I’m the most important being that exists

His name is Rob

He is my angel

I don’t hate you

I just hate that you can’t see that I was saved

I hate that you can’t see what a truly blessed life I have

And that I’ll be more than ok

I don’t hate you

I just hate how you made me question every decision

I hate how you made me feel like I couldn’t trust myself

I hate you for making me question my own existence

You made me question my place in this world

You made me question whether I deserved to take another breath

Because of you I loathed myself

I hated myself enough to feel I was undeserved of love

Enough to make me feel like no one would miss me if I disappeared

I hate that you made me feel nothing

For so long

I don’t hate you

I just hate that I lied to myself for all these years

Pretending it didn’t happen

Pretending you never existed

Pretending you never hurt me

It did happen

You happened

You stripped me of my innocence

You did that

I’ve blamed myself for all these years

I’ve carried this burden for what seems like an eternity

It wasn’t my fault

I finally see that now

I finally see it for what it was

You can’t and you won’t hurt me anymore

You’ve taken up space in my head and in my heart

For much too long

You don’t deserve another second, another thought

So, I’m choosing to let you go now

I’m ripping this page out of my story

I’m choosing to finally live in peace

I won’t let you hold me back anymore

I am worthy

I am loved

I am deserving of love

I am a beautiful soul

Despite what you did to me

Despite the scars you left me with

I am no longer hiding behind my mask

You will not define me

What you did to me…does not define me

I don’t hate you

And I hope I find the courage to one day forgive you

But for now…

I’ll start by forgiving myself